Disappointments

Have been through a few disappointments in the past four months. I always believe that I won't really get hurt if I do not have so much desire especially on those things that I can't control. Therefore, I try to cut down my wants and needs on certain things I do not have the control. However, lately I let my desire and feelings go freely and seems it's getting a bit out of control. The more I want, the more disappointments I get if I fail.

So I start wondering what I really want in life. I thought I just want a happy and simple life, but seems I spend a lot of time and efforts on study, work, and relationship to try to get something big out of them.

But what do I really have now?

Yap, I'm finishing my MBA course soon but I don't think I really get much out of this course. It's simply another piece of certificate to me.

Yap, I work hard to get my sense of fulfillment and money but seems the current development of my work is too slow in a way for me.

Yap, I start to learn how to open myself to express my feelings and know how to care for another person but now I also know how it feelts when the other person doesn't really care what I have put in.

I felt that my past 27 years are quite smooth in a way. Maybe it's because of my family education that I have been taught not to desire so much and can only rely on myself. So I limit myself in a box that I know I can live happily forever, but I'm also curious about how the life would be if I jump out of the box.

Here the bad news is it's not as good what I expect or I should say I have not yet learned how to handle it. It could be better if I really learn how to live out of this box or it could be even worse that I decide to go back to my small box and make it even smaller.

One friend told me that if I won't try I would never know. Yes, that's true but what would the result be if I keep trying and trying. More and more disappointments?? Or one day I can really make it??